I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
