I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
