you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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