You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
