I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
