I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
