Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
