I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
