i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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