So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
