So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
