I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
