If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
