I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
My vagina just clenched in fear
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
