thus making me awesome and them whores
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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