One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
