she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
