that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
