Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
