This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
