Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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