I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
