I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
