I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm gonna have a badass scar
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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