We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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