I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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