I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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