I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
