Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
