I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
