Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
