he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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