she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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