dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I will be naked everywhere
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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