He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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