Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
