If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
