if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
