I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
