living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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