We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
