just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Christians are straight up FREAKS
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
