ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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