Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
