Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
