sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
