Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
