Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
