you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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