when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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