I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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