did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
