I just threw up on my dentist
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
