i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
