i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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