i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
birth control should be required to get into college
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Randomize
