ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
