What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Vodka?
Forever.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
