And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
