oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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