when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
