I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The uberlube is also flammable
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
