I'm gonna have a badass scar
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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