my mouth tastes like poor choices
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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