A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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