yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
