So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
