dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
