Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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