We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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