there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
