I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
